A Forgotten Night, a Hangover, and Some Old Feelings
by ALargeBear
Summary: A regret filled morning leads to a confession a long time in the making.


Before Honoka could even open her eyes she could feel the throbbing pain in her head and a small bout of nausea building in the pit of her stomach. She laid on her back on a strange feeling bed, not daring to open her eyes as she slowly breathed in and out, hoping to control some of the pain. A few seconds passed by as she continued her slow and rhythmic breathing which didn't do anything to dull the constant ache just behind her eyes that seemed synced up to her heartbeat.

Honoka slowly brought a hand to her forehead, brushing her hair to the side so her hand could lie flush. This wasn't a new feeling for Honoka, no she had definitely been hungover before, but this was a bit worse than usual. The incessant pain in her head and the bit of unease in her stomach wasn't anything new, but the complete lack of memory from the other night was. She tried sifting through her hazy and muddled memories of the night before to find some idea of how she got here, but all that did was sharpen the pain in her head. She never was one for deep thoughts and looking back, and how much she drank last night wasn't helping.

Taking in a couple more deep breaths and strengthening her resolve the best she could, Honoka timidly started to relax her eyelids. Slowly she started to lift one eye open, immediately regretting the decision as soon as the smallest bit of light pierced her eye. She slid her hand down over her eyes and groaned at the pain that had only gotten worse. Again, Honoka mustered whatever courage she could and opened her eyes. She slowly allowed more and more light in from between her fingers, wincing more and more as she slowly began acclimating herself to her new surroundings.

Blinking rapidly, Honoka's eyes slowly adjusted and her blurry vision focused on the pristine white ceiling above her. One thing she was sure of was that the ceiling was not the one she was used to waking up to. This wasn't her usual textured ceiling that she had woken up to every day for years. No, this was a clean and smooth surface that wasn't her own. She felt an immediate sense of regret to having woken up in a bed not her own, after a night that she couldn't fully remember. But something about the ceiling was familiar, she just couldn't put her finger on what.

Honoka mustered whatever will she had in her and lifted herself off of her back and sat up. She brought a hand up to her head and lightly massaged her temple, trying to will away any of the pain she could as she got a look at the room she was in. The walls were a clean white with a large dark dresser in the corner and a dark nightstand by her side of the bed. The room wasn't her own, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she knew this place.

In front of the open door to the room sat a small pile of clothes that were scattered in a loose trail toward the bed. Honoka examined the small trail of clothes for a few moments and saw a pair of panties and a bra that looked very familiar before finally looking down at her own body. Yes, those were definitely her clothes from the other night.

A rustle of bed sheets and a quiet groan forced Honoka's attention to the other side of the bed. She slowly turned her head, her eyes trailed up the body next to her. The sheets laid on top of the woman's tight waist and Honoka couldn't help but get a good look. Her eyes wandered up from the woman's thin waist and toned back, she felt drawn into the smooth porcelain white skin that looked too perfect to touch. Honoka could feel a sense of familiarity with the beautiful woman beside her as her eyes continued inspecting, only stopping when she got sight of a head of silky blue hair that she couldn't mistake.

"Oh god," Honoka softly muttered, burying her face into her hand. "What did I do?"

Not wanting to be in the same bed when Umi woke up, Honoka tossed her legs over the side of the bed. The wooden floor below was cold as her feet made silent contact. She waited a moment before willing herself onto her feet. An immediate dizzy spell came and paired itself with the sharp pain in her head as she leaned onto the nearby wall and took a couple of deep breaths.

Another couple seconds went by as Honoka enjoyed the soothing cool touch of the wall on her face. Slowly pushing herself off the wall, she took a few hobbled steps towards the door. Picking up her trail of clothes on the way and clumsily putting on what she could while she stumbled her way to the door.

Taking one last regret filled look back at her friend in the bed, Honoka exited the bedroom. She was immediately greeted with a familiar living room with one long couch, a single chair, and a coffee table in the middle. There wasn't any need for her to guess now, the clean and simple nature of the room answered that this was Umi's apartment.

Honoka didn't bother to switch on a light, opting instead to plop down on the far end of the couch. With her head still spinning, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. The only light in the room came in through a few windows as Honoka took a rare moment to lean back and enjoy the silence, giving her much needed time to nurse her self-inflicted headache.

Regret slowly started to work its way into Honoka's head as she quietly contemplated what she knew. Just the mental image alone of what Umi was going to do to her was frightening. But the fact she could only remember small bits and pieces from the night before was even more worrying. She couldn't begin to think of what she had done to get Umi to do something as shameless as having a drunken night together with her best friend. Maybe she forced drinks onto Umi. Maybe she followed Umi back to her apartment without asking. Maybe it was all a happy, if drunken, night together that neither of them regretted. She figured she'd be dead before she could even find out.

Minutes ticked by before Honoka heard an annoying buzzing coming from her pocket. Quickly fishing her phone out of her pocket, she accepted the call without checking the caller. Anything to end the insufferable sound.

"Hello."

"Good morning, Honoka."

"Good morning, Kotori," Honoka answered roughly, rubbing the bridge of her nose. The pitch of Kotori's voice didn't mix well with a hangover.

"You don't sound very good."

"I've felt better," Honoka allowed a small chuckle. "So what's this call about."

"I just wanted to ask how things went last night," Kotori's voice was full of worry, but Honoka could pick out a bit of excitement.

"I don't really remember any of it."

"You really don't remember any of it?"

"Well I remember a little bit," Honoka sighed. "But I definitely don't remember how I ended up at Umi's place."

"Well, what do you remember from last night? I can try and fill in what I know."

"I remember all of us meeting at Nico's to have a housewarming party. And I remember Rin, Nico, and Nozomi all wanted to do shots to celebrate." Honoka rubbed her chin, trying and failing to wring out any more information. "And that's really about it. I remember we all started drinking, but that's all."

"That's pretty much the gist of it," Kotori answered.

"But that doesn't answer why I woke up in Umi's bed."

"That's because Umi insisted she make sure you get home safely."

Honoka blinked a few times. "Wait, you mean Umi brought me here. Umi, as in our best friend Umi Sonoda." Kotori gave a quick yes in response. "I didn't like, force her or anything like that?"

"Well, you were both pretty drunk," Kotori answered matter of factly that Honoka thought sounded odd. "But it was Umi's idea, not yours.

"Umi was drinking?" Honoka asked, surprised. She had seen Umi drink before, that wasn't really the surprising part, but for Umi to drink enough to entertain the idea of spending the night together was.

"After you started you kinda dragged her into it too. And things got a little out of hand after that for everybody."

"So I did pull Umi into it," Honoka said. The regret that had planted itself in her head was now fully fighting with her splitting headache for dominance. It wasn't a fight Honoka really wanted any part of. "I'm really dead, aren't I?"

"Don't be so dramatic. Umi knew what she was doing when she went along with you," Kotori's playfulness was fully evident over the phone. "Plus I think is a good thing for you."

"And in what way is this a good thing?" Honoka raised her voice, wincing immediately at her own volume. "I'll be lucky if Umi even wants to talk to me after this."

"Well, wouldn't this be a good time to confess?"

Honoka opened and closed her mouth, she couldn't find a proper response to the insane suggestion.

"Are you still there Honoka?"

"Are you crazy, Kotori?" Honoka found her voice. Kotori must have lost it completely.

"I think it's a good idea, though."

"Yeah, it's a great idea. I can see it already," Honoka replied dryly. "I know we just slept together Umi, and I can't remember any of it, but I've loved you since middle school so will you go out with me."

"You don't have to put it like that," Kotori said. Honoka rolled her eyes, not caring if Kotori could see or not. "I think things would work out fine if you just told her how you really felt."

"I'll be lucky if I can even apologize to her." Honoka's voice was quieter. "It's not like she'd say yes anyway."

"You always say that, Honoka. It's not like you at all."

"I just know she wouldn't, alright," Honoka sighed, "especially after this."

"You might be surprised," Honoka readied another rebuke, but Kotori quickly cut back in. "I've got another call Honoka, so I've gotta go. Can you at least try and tell her, Honoka?"

"I've been trying for years," Honoka looked down at her legs and put a hand on her face. She couldn't count how often she had this conversation with Kotori. The badgering to finally confess and the reassuring words were always welcome, but this wasn't the time they were needed. Not when Honoka wasn't even sure what the future of her friendship with Umi looked like. "I just don't think it'll ever happen."

"You should at least try. I know that Umi would tell you the same thing." Kotori waited for a response that never came. "I have to go. Bye Honoka."

"Bye Kotori."

Honoka let the line go dead before hanging up herself. She wasn't sure how many times she had heard that same line of advice. Just confess everything will be alright, everyone who knew about her feelings had told her something like that at some point. They all said it as if the target of her affections wasn't Umi. As if she even had a small chance of her feelings being returned at all. Honoka knew better than that by now. This huge screw up only seemed to solidify what she already knew. Umi certainly deserved better than whatever she was offering.

A small ruffling of sheets and light footsteps could be heard from the direction of the bedroom and Honoka felt her heart sink down to her stomach. She closed her eyes and just listened. The opening and closing of dresser drawers and the sliding of feet across hardwood floors all helped build upon an impending dread as she took a few deep breaths and waited silently. A creaking of a door followed by footsteps that drew closer with each passing second, Honoka knew there wasn't any getting out of this now.

Glancing to her side, Honoka finally got a look at Umi. Her hair was sticking up in random tufts from the top of her head on down to the very ends. Brown eyes were half lidded and winced at the sudden introduction of sunlight through the windows. A normally healthy glowing face was replaced by a pale lifeless mask that reacted to even the smallest bit of sound or stimulus. Honoka wondered if she had ever seen Umi in such a fragile and weak state. It only piled onto the already growing heap of guilt, but she couldn't say she didn't love this part of Umi either.

"Good Morning," Umi drawled out, scratching her head. Her narrowed eyes focusing directly onto Honoka.

"Uhh, good morning Umi." Honoka shirked further into the couch. She couldn't meet Umi's stare and settled on keeping her head down.

"Do you want coffee or anything?" Umi had already begun shambling toward the kitchen.

"Water would be fine," Honoka answered, keeping her voice quiet. Umi gave a grunt of affirmation and left for the connected kitchen.

The opening and closing of cabinets, the droning of a working coffee maker and the dull sound of Umi's footsteps all kept Honoka's mind from slipping too far away from her. The constant ache behind her eyes and the fear of the coming confrontation had already taken up all of her currently available thoughts. It didn't leave any room for planning for what she knew was the inevitable. Not that she ever left much room for it anyway.

"Here take these," Umi leaned over the couch, handing Honoka a cool glass of water and a couple pills, "they should help."

Honoka accepted the offering with the small smile. She pressed the soothing cool glass against her face. Taking a few seconds to enjoy the small comfort it brought to her aches before downing the pills in one large gulp. The water helping relieve the stale dryness and the nasty taste in her mouth from the night before.

She watched Umi lazily sit down at the opposite end of the couch. A steaming cup of coffee in her hand and an indifferent expression that focused entirely on her drink was all Honoka could see. There wasn't any anger or resentment coming from Umi, or at least any that she could make out.

"Honoka," Umi spoke up in between ups of her coffee, Honoka found the strength to at least look in Umi's direction. "When did you get up? It's not like you to wake up so early."

Honoka was caught off guard by the normalcy of the question. "Just a little bit before you."

A hum and another sip of coffee were all the response Honoka received. The awkwardness that only she seemed to be affected by was weighing heavily. Another couple seconds ticked by without any conversation. The silence was stifling. Honoka couldn't take much more of it. If this was all going to end here she figured she may as well face it head on.

She fiddled with the empty cup in her hands, trying to find anything to say. Umi continued sipping away, never so much as glancing in Honoka's direction. With a few more taps on the rim of the glass, Honoka took a deep breath and shifted her body to face up to her fate. She licked her dry lips and tried to take as much focus off of her throbbing headache.

"Umi," Honoka found her voice, Umi turned her head slightly. "How much do you remember from last night?"

"Most of it," Umi answered, quickly and without even a moment of hesitation. "What about you?"

"I don't really remember any of it," Honoka say Umi's eyes narrow further and put up her hands with a small bow. "I'm so sorry Umi. I didn't want this to happen."

"What are you sorry about?"

Honoka lifted her head up, Umi had now turned fully to face her. "I… well I feel like this was my fault."

"It wasn't anyone's fault, Honoka," Umi stated in between another couple of sips. "I knew what I was getting myself into last night."

"So you don't like, regret it or anything?" Honoka dared herself to ask, allowing just a small bit of hope that she hadn't screwed up completely to sprout.

"No, I very much regret what happened last night. Don't think otherwise," Umi's voice was stern and resolute. Any budding feelings of hope died off as quick as they came. Umi continued her voice just above a whisper. "I never expected my first time to happen like that. Especially with my best friend."

Honoka nearly dropped the glass in her hand at Umi's admission. She wasn't sure if she had ever heard anything so blunt come out of her friend's mouth, but she knew what she heard was the truth. The fierce blush and the way Umi turned her head were all that she needed to see to confirm it. It wasn't all that surprising it was Umi's first time, but hearing it out loud, it only drove home even deeper what she already knew. She screwed up.

"I'm really sorry, Umi."

"Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong," Umi winced at the volume of her own voice. "I just thought it would be with someone who loved me."

The words were like a punch straight to the gut. Those words were mixed with Umi's downcast eyes and Honoka could clearly see the regret. But Honoka couldn't stop herself from thinking back to her phone call with Kotori. Maybe this really would be the best time to just come out and confess. If she was going to have to deal with their new awkward friendship, she figured she might as well just get everything out in the open.

"Well," Honoka set her glass down on the nearby table. She faced Umi and could feel her stare bearing down. "What if I said I really do love you. Would that help?"

Of all of the possible reactions Honoka could think of, she hadn't expected Umi to laugh. The dry chuckling was a far cry from anything she had expected. She had imagined a stern lecture or a drawn out embarrassed rejection, but Umi only continued to laugh. She wasn't sure if it was any better than an outright rejection. At least that would be an answer. The chuckling only forced an unfamiliar sense of rejection and resentment to build up.

"I wouldn't believe you," Umi answered bluntly, her eyes never leaving Honoka.

"It's the truth," Honoka muttered, her hands balled into fists. "I've loved you for such a long time, Umi. I've always thought you were amazing. You're smart, beautiful, an awesome friend, and you've always looked out for me, even when I mess up or make things hard for you. How couldn't I fall in love with someone as great as you."

It felt futile to try and explain just why she was so in love. It wouldn't change anything, Umi's reaction to her confession was telling enough. But she felt it needed to be said. To finally let out what had been bottled up for so many years. It was cathartic. Even if she held no hope for her feelings being returned.

A few silent and tense moments passed by. Honoka had already looked away from Umi and focused solely on her legs. A small bout of nausea began to bubble in her stomach that she wasn't sure was from the hangover or the awkward tension.

"How long?" Umi asked, quietly breaking the silence. Her hands gripped tightly at the now empty coffee mug.

"What?" the response had taken Honoka by surprise as she slowly looked over to Umi.

"How long have you felt that way?"

Honoka stared for a moment, processing the new information. She tried to get some idea as to what Umi was feeling or what she meant. But Umi's expression was the same embarrassed face she had been making since this entire conversation started. She wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing.

"A really long time," Honoka started, "Since around middle school I think."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Umi said, turning her attention solely to the empty mug in her hands.

"How could I say anything. It's not like it would have changed anything." Honoka sighed, leaning back into the couch and staring at the ceiling. "Plus, you deserve someone way better than me, Umi. The person you fall in love with should be just as amazing and wonderful as you are, and I'm not that."

"I'm more than capable of choosing who I fall for," Umi snapped back quickly and resolute, looking up from her coffee mug.

"I know you are." Honoka rolled her head to the side, meeting Umi's eyes with her own. "I just know it wouldn't be me."

"That's not like you!" Umi's voice rose, Honoka winced at the sound. "You're always so honest and forward. What happened to my stupidly confident best friend that doesn't care what anyone else thinks?"

Umi's words hit close to home, Honoka knew this wasn't much like her. Anyone who knew about her feelings for Umi would always tell her the same thing. That it's strange she wouldn't be able to come right out and confess, that it was odd she had such little hope in her love ever being reciprocated. But with Umi she just knew it may not be worth it. Even if she did appreciate all of the encouragement.

"I know it isn't like me," Honoka let her shoulders go slack. Deciding to just go along with whatever Umi wanted. She had lost any will to try and hide anything now. "But it's still the truth."

"The Honoka I love wouldn't say that."

The words lingered in the air for a moment, Honoka's brain wasn't able to comprehend them immediately. It almost sounded like Umi had said she loved her, but that couldn't be true. After years of convincing herself that it would never happen, that she wasn't worthy of being with Umi, today would never be that day. But the hope had already taken hold. Honoka had already taken those words to heart.

Umi continued staring at Honoka, never looking away as she kept going. "The Honoka I've always loved wouldn't be so scared to tell someone how she felt. She would tell her how she felt in the same straightforward way she did everything else." Umi lifted a finger and pointed at Honoka, her voice trembling ever so slightly. "You aren't that Honoka."

"Do you really mean all that?" Honoka muttered, she dared herself to move closer, sliding onto the cushion next to Umi. Their shoulders touching just slightly.

"If you really feel that way about me you have to tell me honestly." Umi blushed but kept her eyes fixed on Honoka's. "I won't know unless you tell me."

Honoka took one of Umi's hands into her own, giving a small squeeze. "I've always loved you Umi. I've always been to scared to tell you, but I really do love you, honest."

Umi squeezed back. "I didn't think this would happen like this."

"I didn't think it would happen at all," Honoka said, laughing.

"I guess I didn't either." Umi allowed herself a small chuckle. "So many years wasted."

Honoka lifted her legs onto the couch and laid her head down onto Umi's lap and looked up into her eyes. She found the sheepish smile and light blush on Umi's face adorable.

"What are you doing?" Umi asked, looking down at the girl in her lap.

"Just getting a little more comfortable." Honoka wiggled her head closer toward Umi's stomach. "We feel the same way about each other so it's okay, right?"

"You're already being this needy and it's only been a few minutes," Umi joked, running a hand through Honoka's hair and smiling down at her.

"I'm just making sure this is all real. I thought you weren't ever going to talk to me again after what happened last night." Honoka relaxed under Umi's touch. The comfort doing wonders to distract from her headache.

"Last night was a mistake," Umi said back quickly, continuing to run her hand through Honoka's hair. "And I think it would be best if we just forgot it happened and moved on."

"Well it wasn't all that bad," Umi felt the need to interject, but Honoka cut her off. "I mean look at where we are now."

"I guess."

The affection from Umi continued and Honoka felt herself sink deeper into the bliss that came with it. She looked up at Umi who looked down at her and they both smiled. Shifting herself a bit on Umi's legs she brushed the hand out of her hair and wrapped both of her arms around Umi's neck.

"Hey, Umi." Honoka's voice was sultry, paired with an out of place smile.

"W-What," Umi sputtered. She couldn't turn her head, but her eyes shifted everywhere but onto Honoka.

"You know you look really cute when you're embarrassed."

"T-That's not necessary, Honoka."

"Sorry Sorry," Honoka placated, her arms still wrapped around Umi's neck as their eyes met. "You really are beautiful Umi, you know that?"

"So are you Honoka."

Honoka tugged slightly on Umi's neck, pulling her down as she lifted her head slowly off of her comfortable makeshift pillow. She felt Umi's lips touch her own and could taste the instant coffee and the stale alcohol from the night before. They held it for only a brief moment, only savoring the sensation for a few seconds before pulling away, both smiling.

"Your breath stinks," Honoka said as she pulled away.

Umi rolled her eyes. "So does yours."

"But you know," Honoka quickly pulled Umi back down for another quick peck. "I don't really mind."


End file.
